The following stories are part of the special April Fools edition of the Beacon newspaper. Beacon staff members, along with our friends at the Bacon, put together a special issue of the Beacon newspaper titled, “The Sea Kitten.” Wondering where the name came from? This February, the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) contacted PBA, suggesting the university ditch its mascot “Sailfish Jack” for a friendlier made up animal, a “Sea Kitten.” Dr. Clark made it clear to students that week that the university has no intention of changing its mascot. Check out the Beacon article here or the Palm Beach Post’s article here.
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Animal Fight Club at Campus /By: Twitter Thug
Palm Beach Atlantic University has unveiled a fight club operating in the underworld community of students. However, this is no ordinary fight club with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton; this fight club consists of doped-up lab rats, thuggish campus lizards and lightsaber-fighting squirrels.
Supposedly, the lab rats and squirrels are escaped experimental party specimens. They are very prone to rambunctious behavior when hearing any form of techno music; the music ignites the ecstasy and foxy roxy coursing through their tiny veins.
On the other hand, the thuggish campus lizards are said to be genetically-enhanced hybrid curly-tail iguana lizards that we see scurrying around campus. It is said by an anonymous pharmacy student that they know of a student, who is experimenting on the lizards with a new form of steroid.
Perhaps the most disturbing issue is the report of the losing fighter is viciously disposed of in the mantra of Michael Vick. The remains are sold to the chain of Road-Kill Cafes that are opening everywhere. In fact, there is a proposal with the city to open a RKC, where Samaritan Gardens is located.
It is already enough that PBA sponsors Roach Races. Now we have “Pinky and the Brain” to root for. Continue reading